__________berry, titigil n ako
T^T sa pagiging martyr

tama na ka ek ek kan at bitawan ku n siya

ksi sinasaktan niya lamang ako eh

besides nung pinipilit kung isipin kung sasaktan ku p sarili ko

eh wala n talaga akung luha na mailalabas para sa kanya

di na ako nakokonsenya sa mangyayari sa kanya

ang inisip ku n lng iyung sakit ng kataksilan niyang ginagawa sa kin

at ini expect niya na

babalik ako sa kanya

puta di aku ganun kadesperadong makasama siya

mapapalitan ku siya

di hamak naman na maraming tao dyan na nagmamahal sakin di lang naman siya

bat ako masisiraan ng ulo para lamang sa kanya

eh wala naman siyang paki sakin pag sinasaktan niya ako

T^T

shyet kakalimutan ku na talaga siya marami na ang nagpayo sakin nun eh...

tama nga naman na sundin ku iyung magandang payo na iyun...

putik lagi ku na lang sina una siya ha... tol... may buhay rin naman aku...

bakit ku pa siya isasama dun kung obviously di niya aku keilangan... isasantabi lang aku ng ganun...

puta... buhay ko naman ang ayusin ku hindi iyung sa iba... tama na nga talaga pagpapakamartyr... hindi ku hinihiling na mei posisyon aku sa langit...

besides na gawa ku na obligation ko sobra sobra pa nga siya ang ayaw makinig.... siya na mismo sumisira...

di ako lumayo sayo puta itinulak mo ako papalayo higit sa lahat pa nun akala mo bulag ako...

tangina... hoy~! sirain mo buhay mo wag mo akong isama... mas minamahal ko na sarili ko kaysa sayo... kasi kita naman na hindi mo talaga alam kung ano ang tunay kong halaga sa buhay mo...

TANDAAN MO IKAW ANG NANAKIT SAKIN~!!! hindi iba... ikaw. ang puno at dulo ng problema huwag mong ibaling sa iba.

akalain mu naman kung sino pa iyung malapit sakin iyun pala ang kaaway.

Tags: a, beltran, enriquez, gail, j, khaleanne, king, marian
Current Location: out of the asylum
Current Mood: decision
Current Music: I fucking hate you by Godsmack

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..

So this is what it feels like to be totally bored...

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..

Even if I do my daily routine of frying my eyes off looking at the monitor, I couldn't escape it.

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..

Well he said he's going out on his own way... if I'm with him I'll just mess up his work, besides, he can do anything by himself. He got his decisions all made up, he has plan in his life... while me geez I'm just waiting to be taken down from my existence...

I don't have anything better to do while I'm alive than just pass the time with these virtual games... Reality just doesn't click with me that much...

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..

Are my fingers getting numb pushing the same combination of buttons to kill this Boss monster for the nth time?

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..

Geez looking at the other kids in here, I wont really find a replacement for that guy... besides he's the only one who gets ticked off by something most of the time.. and no one dares to approach me when I'm by myself... well except him...

Tap.. Tap.. Tap..



Damn I finished the game again... Shit. It feels so much better when someone tries to interrupt me while I'm in the zone..

Winning a lot of this games just doesn't feel right when I'm not hearing litany of curses beside me or that constant crack of biting off that hard chocolate he always has.

I need to take a new habit... hmmm... they said smoking helps to calm off the nerves...

a/n: Because I miss my Mello... T^T Mello come back~!!! Shit...

Tags: missing mello matt death note laineyue
Current Location: Matt's Room
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Here w/o you by 3 doors down

Yehey~!!! *jumps around* I finally cosplay him~!!! sorry I wasn't looking at the cam but this was the greatest pic/stolen photo taken of me as Matt~!!!

thanks to siberianclaws-neechan ^-^

Ok the crowd sucked and yeah I expected those remarks.. sorry for the Matt fangirls that I didnt hear their support aww....

but I heard that some were cheering its just that the crowd wasn't only mixed by otaku haters and non otakus but it was full of perverts and bashers that I want to shoot to kill...

ok they were dissing bad cosplays, weird costumes of animes they dont know, and most of all jeering hentai words on the cosplayers with revaling outfits...

geez they should just drop dead already before I kick their sorry arse till all hell breaks loose.

damn....

I didnt have much fun or even notice my friends and cosplayer acquaintances to cheer for them...

All I saw was everyone giving us the icy glare... shit...

I totally lost my mood... I cosplayed alright but I didnt do well on the catwalk... huge part on me not knowing what to do... and my growing hatred on some of the crowd.

*sigh*

anyway being near with my friends did cool me down though...

*sigh* now I just have to make my cos perfect the striped pants the googles though my glasses were good... and black & red striped shirt intead of a black & white one

Tags: laineyue matt crossplayer mangaholix
Current Location: comshop
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Manatsu no Yoru no Yume

um previous hours before cosplaying Matt

god that title sucked... and well now as im typing this journal thing im having nervous ticks and my hand wont stop shaking...

why? im gonna cosplay Matt... problem: in my country I now only several people who knows Matt of Death Note

so really my thought s are when I go up on that stage wearing Matt's costume and the announcer saying my character as a guy from death note the crowd would just say

crowd: who the heck is matt? really he's from death note? i dont rememeber him... *stare*

O.O i know that they're staring at me because im in stage and all and im a cosplayer but really dude my paranoia is kicking in overtime

no not the part that the crowd is out to get me but well... i cant explain it...

-__- yes i must calm down coz right now I dont even know what to do in that stage...


ok this is the first time i got so worked up on cosplaying something.

what was my main goal again... oh yeah to show love for matt the poor ignored character of death note and yeah to have fun...

heck im gonna play DDR and other arcade shit wearing this costume later and in the middle of summer even if im in the mall...

the mall is so big the AC's cant cool the whole place...

hmmm should i remove the costume?

and yeah I'm also going to bring mero's costume...

omg baby mero's (my lil sis w/ mero's haircut) crying um yeah my poor excuse to just leave the post as it is....

ok keep my eye on the goal and HAVE. FUN.

ok must chant that in my head. god why did i stop smoking oh yeah naomi is totally going to kick my ass if i start again....

Tags: matt death note mail jeevas laineyue cos
Current Location: pacing back and forth
Current Mood: anxiety
Current Music: Down with the Sickness by Disturbed

*starts by playing the song I'm not Okay by My Chemical Romance*

I hate this... My house got robbed, my trust lies on no one at home at all.

I'm being suckish at school, sloth-issues, I'm not accomplishing anything at all.

I can't help my friends cause I can't even help myself.

AND THEY SAID THAT I CHANGED FOR THE BETTER!

Oh come on! REALLY?!

YOU call THIS BETTER?! I'm raving again!

As I have done since the beginning of MY High School life and now I'm in effing College for Christ's sake!

OK... I'm really not okay. Why should I be ok? Everything is tumbling down a very steep slope and into oblivion.

My escape route isn't helping too cause now its conneceted with my problem!

Oh and did I mention I have to handle this on my own? since it too hard to explain to any one HECK I even have trouble deciphering what I'm typing right now!

Its just that I have to vent this feeling somehow!

And here I am writing-er... typing in stupid journals again just to let the feeling inside of me out before I trample anyone's feelings or hurt some passerby who just looked at me in a wrong way.

DANG I'm a mess right now, I feel like I just dropped into a muck of mud, unmentionables and what-nots, gasping for air, reaching for something to keep me firm or to help me up, trying to break free but sinking myself deeper into it.


YES in otrher terms I feel like SHIT right now.

Ew.

This BITES.

*stomps feet and walks away the song fading into the background*

Tags: everything not ok laine rave
Current Location: head on the noose and about to jump
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: I'm not OK

Your (Nick)name: laine
Other Means of Contact (email, AIM): laineyue@yahoo.com
Desired Character: IC!Matt
Preferred Pairings With Character: Mero, Nia, L
Sample Writing: Matt looked at his Mero's frustrated face as he tried to out do Nia in every way he can. Matt wearily sighed.

//Why do Nia always get all of Mero's attention?

"Nia beat me again... Nia would have done this... Nia thought it would be this... and Nia planned that..."

Does Mero even hear himself talking? It always Nia... He's obessed.//

Matt managed to avert his gaze on Mero, before they made an eye contact and returned on playing his GameBoy.

//Does he even know that I'm here?//

Matt's player got shot by one of the charging enemies. He had 2/3 remaining life points left.

//Does he even know how I feel?//

Matt didn't notice the trap set by enemy below, now he had only 1/3 remaining life ponts left.

//Does he even care about me?//

He was in the Last Boss stage of level 34 and it was hard defending his remaining life points and making a powerful offense on the Boss enemy.

//or is he using me?//

Matt stopped from pushing the buttons of his Game Boy as his sudden shock took over him.

"GAME OVER"

Matt looked at the Game Boy for a few minutes then turned it off. He had to re-think his strategy and plan another way to get him.

Tags: matt death note mail jeeves mero nia
Current Location: watari's institution
Current Mood: crushed